From One Zoo to Another
by TFSyndicate
Summary: Vince ventures from the Zooniverse to the Pink Diamond's Zoo to rescue Howard, after he accidentally let him be kidnapped by Aquamarine.
1. Come With Us Now

Naboo's kiosk was closed: a sign outside said "IN SESSION". The session was with Vince. It began with Naboo heating up a cup of tea and having a seat with Vince.  
"Wot's trabbling yew, Vince?" said Naboo, "Where's 'oward?"  
"Actually," said Vince, "That actually wha I wanted to see ya about."  
"Tell me what 'appened."  
"Awright..."

* * *

Earlier that morning, Vince was sweeping up the pathways on his half of the Zooniverse. Howard already did his half. Vince would've swept his half of the zoo at the same time as Howard, but he was busy doing his half of his hairdo (badum CHEE). Anyway, Bob Fossil was coming around with the first tour group of the day. Nobody in the group was interested or entertained by their surroundings. Typical. Bob and the tour group passed by Vince when he stopped to speak with him.  
"Morning, Vince. I see Howard's done before you again," complained Bob.  
"Ey, it's not like izza race, Bob," Vince defended, "Me an' 'oward, we can't doit at da same time; the way 'e sweeps, it mess up mi hair!"  
"Have you thought about doing it _before_ Howard?"  
Vince was speechless. It never occurred to him that he should go first. But then again, 'priorities' were not his strong suit. Bob and the tour group continued on before Vince could come up with a snappy counter.

Vince finished his cleaning duties later that day. He went to Bob's office to return his broom. Bob looked out the window, and was impressed at what he saw.  
"Good work today, Vince," he said, "I guess I was wrong about you. Your half looks much better than Howard's. Bainbridge would be impressed."  
Vince looked out the window with Bob and saw what he meant. When Vince began his work, Howard's half was enviously spotless. By the time Vince finished up, it was _his_ half that was enviously spotless; Howard's half was suddenly flooded with vegetation here and there.  
"I tawld 'im not to leave 'is broom in the Miracle-Gro!" concluded Vince.  
"Any plans set for the rest of the day?"  
"Actually, ahm pretty knackered. Ah was thinkin' of goin' back to the office for a li'le kip."

As soon as Vince left the office, he was stopped by a tiny girl in a schoolgirl uniform. The crazy thing about her was she was blue all over-even her skin. There was a tear-shaped gem wedged in her left cheek.  
"Ello," said Vince, "Zere anythin' I can do fer ya?"  
The blue girl looked up at Vince with her big puppy dog eyes.  
"Are you 'Howard'?" she asked.  
"Come again?"  
"Are you 'Howard'? I have been ordered to take a 'Howard' to the zoo."  
"That's weird; nobody said anythin' about 'oward getting a zoo transfer," Vince thought out loud, "Are ya sure ya don' wan' mae?"  
"Are _you_ 'Howard'?" the little girl said again.  
"No. Ahm Vince. But I work with 'oward, I'll take ya tewim!"  
Vince walked the little blue girl...no, she's _got_ to be an alien!...to the office he shares with Howard. Before entering, Vince stopped in front of the door.  
"Now, ah mahst warn ya, 'e mawt be a bit legless, so I'd be a bit careful if I were ya."  
"Wot-evah," said the little alien.  
They entered the office and found Howard. Then Vince realized that he wasn't drunk; just having a sleep. Their entrance must've triggered Howard to open his eyes, and slowly render himself awake.  
"Wha? Vince? What's going on here?" asked Howard, still a bit tired.  
"Oward?" said Vince, "Anybuddy say anythin' abo' a zoo transfer?"  
"Probably a few threats from Bainbridge, but nothing serious. Why?"  
"Cause there's someon 'ere to see ya."  
Vince gestured toward the blue alien, who looked at Howard with her big eyes.  
"Are you 'Howard'?" she asked.  
"That's right."  
The alien walked to the doorway and yelled out "WE FOUND ONE, TOPAZ!" And at that point, two large yellow butch-type ladies showed up and gathered round Howard. The two larger aliens sandwiched Howard between them until the two yellow aliens were one bigger yellow alien with Howard in its transparent belly. They...no...she walked out of the room. The tiny blue girl prepared to leave, before saying one more thing to Vince.  
"So sorry to bother you," she said naughtily, "Have a _nice_ day."

* * *

"So that's it," Vince finished his story.  
"Hmmm..." thought Naboo, "I think I've seen 'er type before. D'you 'ave any pictures of 'er?"  
Vince pulled out a series of photographs of the alien in question. He gave the best one of the bunch to Naboo.  
"Ah, yes. I see what's going on 'ere," concluded Naboo, "This izzan alien, awright. It's an Aquamarine."  
"Aquamarine? Lawk the _gem_ Aquamarine?"  
"More or less, yeh," Naboo explained, "This one's from a place cawled Gem 'omeworld. 'mazin' planet, tha' is. Fissiclee, and litralee, they're just gems. But they 'ave the ability to project 'ard-light holograms so they can take on da form of beautiful ladies."  
"So?" asked Vince, "Can you take me there so I can git 'oward beck?"  
"Sadly, no. Saboo put me on probation. Not allowed to do ma shaman stuff for the risst of the week."  
"Ugh, ahm I a wazzok with a nice 'aircut. This is rilly balls-up."  
"Actually, I know someone else who can probably 'elp. 'e lives over in the States. I'll write it down for ya."  
And he did. Vince was thankful of Naboo's help, and tipped him a pound. He set out on his quest for the Gem Homeworld and get his best friend Howard back. Taking a look at the slip of paper Naboo gave him, he set a course for his first stop. " _Mr. Universe, Beach City, Tell him Naboo sent you_ "  
Vince passed by Bollo the gorilla's cage on his way out.  
"Well, wish mi lak," he said cheerfully.  
But all Bollo could say was "I got a bad feeling about this," followed by a grunt.


	2. On a Journey Through Time and Space

**"Thees is usually de part where de moon, that's me, says somethin' for you to theenk about, but...I 'aven't got anythin' to say. So...bye!"**

* * *

Vince's plane arrived in the airport closest to Beach City early the next morning. He would've taken an earlier flight, but he took too long packing; he ended up taking two briefcases full of his best wardrobe (who _wouldn't_ want to go in outer space in style?), and a carry-on bagful of Gary Numan tapes. He took a shuttle bus the rest of the way into town. Once there, he looked once again at Naboo's slip. It just said to ask for a Mr. Universe and tell him Naboo sent him. No address to work with, though. Vince set off to find some doors to knock on and local haunts to visit, maybe get some clues and leads, or somebody who digs Gary Numan as much as he does.  
His first success came at a place called Beach Citywalk Fries. The place was operated by two guys with chip-shaped hair, with nametags reading "Ronaldo" and "Peedee", respectively. Siblings, Vince thought.  
"Hi," said Vince, "Ahm lookin' for a Mista Universe. Can ya help me?"  
Ronaldo leaned across the counter, close to Vince's face.  
"Now you listen here. I don't know why you would come here looking for Mr. Universe, but you should take my word for it when I say that you do best to _stay away_ from the Universe family!"  
"Why? Wot's 'e got that you don't?"  
"He is friends with mysterious rock people. They're responsible for _all_ the weird things that happen to Beach City!" said Ronaldo.  
"Pay no attention to him," said Peedee, "He's a huge conspiracy nut. Always sticking his nose into other people's business, trying to find a connection to the Gems."  
"Gems?" said Vince, "You mean the aliens?"  
Ronaldo and Peedee nodded.  
"My best mate 'oward was captured by a couple of 'em. 'at's why ahm 'ere. Naboo sent me, told me Mr. Universe could 'elp get 'im back."  
"Oh!" said Ronaldo, excited, "Well why didn't you say so? I know where he lives. I'll take you to him."  
Ronaldo was about to take off his apron, when he thought of something.  
"Oh, before I do, do you want a bag of fries to go?"  
"Sure, I'll take some chips."

Ronaldo escorted Vince to the tail end of the beach, past the hill to its cliff side. Here was the second best statue/temple Vince had ever seen. And there was a quaint little beach house in front of it. A van was parked outside the beach house, with MR. UNIVERSE written on it in rockstar-style lettering. Hope he knows his Gary Numan, thought Vince.  
Ronaldo knocked on the van's back door. A chubby man with what could very well be described as a van dyke beard answered. Obviously, he has seen better days. He looked a bit grumpy: it was still the morning-must be a heavy sleeper.  
"Morning, Greg," said Ronaldo, "There's somebody here who came to see you about the roc...uh...gems."  
Greg, groggily, eyed Vince up and down, then climbed out of his van.  
"I'm gonna get some coffee. You want any?" he asked in a friendly tone.  
"Oh, cheers!" said Vince.  
He began to follow Greg, before turning to Ronaldo to see what he was going to do next.  
"Keep Beach City Weird!" was all he said before taking off.  
"Awright."

* * *

Once inside the beach house, Greg heated up a pot of coffee, and poured two cups for him and his guest.  
"Naboo said you be tha wan ta tulk to 'bout gems and wotevah," explained Vince, "Ah culd sure use a bituv 'elp gettin' to 'omeworld for startas."  
He waited for Greg to take his first sip of coffee before he could reply.  
"You know Naboo? He was the best man at my wedding. I actually _married_ one of those Gems!"  
Greg gestured to the portrait of the almighty Rose Quartz, hanging above the front door.  
"Ah," said Vince in awe, "She's lurvely!"  
"Not a day goes by without me missing her," continued Greg, "Gems don't reproduce like we humans do. When I tried to make it work, I ended up losing her. But at the same time, I ended up with a son."  
"So is juss you and yer kid 'ere?"  
"Nah. We have Rose's friends living with us too. My lil' Steven sees them as the Moms he never had."  
"That's rilly tuchin', tha' is," said Vince, obviously impressed.

The warp pad in the back of the living room began to light up.  
"That must be them now," said Greg.  
Three gems and the aforementioned Steven stepped off the warp pad. Vince could instantly identify which gem was which, based on the many, _many_ pieces of gems that adorn his best getup: a Garnet (more like a combination of a Ruby and a Sapphire), an Amethyst and a Pearl. Steven and Amethyst called the couch to watch a show, while Pearl and Garnet walked forward for Greg and his guest.  
"Hey, Garnet, Pearl," said Greg, "How was Stu-ball and the...thing you guys were doing?"  
"Oh, you know him, Greg," said Pearl, "Running around, having a good time and all. Never been happier."  
"Hello, Vince," said Garnet, unexpectedly.  
Vince was caught off guard, "Ahm sorry. 'ave we met b'fore?"  
Amethyst turned her head toward their guest from the couch, "Garnet's got _future vision_ , dude! _Spooky_ , amiright?"  
"Ahl tellya wot, it's smashin', this!" said Vince to his audience, "Stuff ya cawn't do with a low bujit!"  
"Sooooo Greg," said Pearl, uncomfortable by a pinch, "Who's Vince and what's he doing here?"  
"All ansa tha'," said Vince again, "My mate 'oward's been taken by a gem. Naboo said you lot could 'elp me out. 'ere's a pikcha...," he gave Pearl the picture of Aquamarine. Steven went over to have a look-see as well. They all recognized who it was.  
"Did she have two large Topazes for bodyguards?" said Steven.  
"Ya, tha's rite."  
"We've seen her before! Aquamarine came here once looking for Dad and a bunch of my friends to take to the zoo. I turned myself in exchange for letting them go. Then I managed to escape when I got to Homeworld!"  
"You managed to get outuvat zoo?"  
"I didn't go to the zoo. I was taken to see the Diamonds...the rulers of Homeworld...and I escaped there."  
"So yew've neva been to the zoo?"  
"I did once. Dad was sent there before, and the Gems and I took a ship there to get him back!"  
"So ya think you can doit again, for me an' 'oward?"  
" _Wait_ waitwaitwaitwait," interrupted Pearl, "We've only known for you for like, what, less than a minute, and you're asking _us_ , the Crystal Gems, to take you to Homeworld's Zoo, _just_ so you can bust your friend out?"  
"Yeah," said Vince, matter-of-factly, "So?"  
"Can we even _trust_ you? What if you betray us some way? We weren't supposed to be anywhere _near_ the zoo!"  
"Oh, cam on now! I'm not the kind o' guy who would douh thing lak that. I came all tha way from Lundun jussta speak ta you about this!"  
Pearl turned her back on him, much like Naboo would, "I'm sorry to have wasted your time."

'Ah, there muss be sumthin Ica do to change yer mind,' thought Vince.  
He searched his carry-on bag for something, anything, that might help. All that were in there were his Gary Numan tapes. He pulled one out.  
"You go' a tape playah?" he asked to anyone left who would listen.  
Greg pointed to the stereo on the other side of the room, next to the TV.  
"Whatcha puttin' on?" asked Amethyst.  
"Ahm 'bout to rawk yer li'l gems off yer pedestal!" announced Vince.  
He pressed play on the tape deck, and the music began to play...loudly.

 _Here in my car  
_ _I feel safest of all  
_ _I can lock all my doors  
_ _It's the only way to live  
_ _In cars_

Garnet's head began subtlety bouncing up and down. Amethyst went all out and started breakdancing. Pearl was still hesitant, but after a few minutes or so, eventually caved, and started dancing too. After the song ended, Vince asked Pearl again.  
"So, will ya take me there?"  
"Oh, all right," Pearl surrendered, "But only because you came this far already...and that music was...pretty good."


End file.
